05.13.08

There He Goes; There Goes Speed Racer…

Posted in Glögg Is Life. at 5:42 pm by Gregory

Oops, looks like somebody fudged the box-office returns. I don’t particularly care about opening week-end box-office (frankly, it’s killing Cinema), but $20.2 million (as estimated/reported) certainly is not the actual $18.6 million that Speed Racer actually pulled domestically over the week-end…

…which is about — what? — between 5% and 10% of its overall budget?

Correct me if I’m wrong, Hollywood, but doesn’t the concept of a Blockbuster involve making audiences happy and turning a hefty profit?

Third place, you played-out Wachowskis. Nice job. [Sarcastic golf-clap.]

Warner honchos: If you had given Speed Racer to me (and my friends), I/we would have made it for less than $20 million, delivered a classic, and sent a fun, exciting and lucrative franchise roaring into action.

Yes, really.

Really-really.

Incidentally, Richard Roeper and (unrelated, but equally depressing) Fred Topel are both total fucking morons who should be washing cars.

(Which is not to say that liking the movie is “wrong”; it’s to say that Richard Roeper and [unrelated, but equally depressing] Fred Topel are both total fucking morons — which is very fun to say, and recommended!)

Goodness gracious, I miss Gene Siskel.

But I must add that, given a quick jaunt around Rotten Tomatoes, I am delighted: I’m pretty sure that I’ve never seen Pete Hammond give a negative review to anything before! And a kinda funny negative review, at that! Nice going, Pete! You can be negative! It’s okay!

Now look out, Dr. Jones — I’m totally above being seduced by my affection for the first two movies (plus a glut of new toys and cereal and M&Ms). Thrill me. That’s it: Thrill me. Thank you.

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