01.13.10
Burning Down the House (Penultimate Post)
Hi. I enjoy writing, and if it entertains you (if you’re a nice person; some of my readers, I know, are not) then it’s worth it — however Transitions are befalling me, and perspectives which proved useful during the relatively brief run of this particular online journal are very unlikely to fit in the next…well…whatever happens. Thus I prepare to conclude. Tonight I’ll give you thirteen notions to contemplate:
* Last Friday, the 8th of January, 2010, my “father” removed the door from my “mother’s” room (my old bedroom; I’ve been pleading with her for years to move out of there and LIVE LIKE AN ADULT FOR ONCE), and then he THREATENED TO THROW A CHAIR AT HER. She was supposed to call me on Saturday. Of course, she didn’t (she is a master of omission, manipulation, and — when it suits her — lying); thus from other, more reliable, sources did I obtain this information. That’s what happens when you let a psycho play “good boy” in order to get out of a well-earned lockup — both in jail and in a mental facility (Way to go!!!) — and then, surprise, he starts with the psycho crap again. The door and chair are mild, however, when compared to this — which I would like for you, and everyone interested, to know: HE ALSO THREATENED TO DESTROY THE HOUSE IN TWO WEEKS (That’d be the 22nd of January, 2010) — AND TOLD HIS “WIFE” SHE’D BETTER HAVE ALL OF HER STUFF MOVED OUT BY THEN, OR IT WILL BE DESTROYED ALONG WITH THE HOUSE. HE ADDED THAT HE “DOESN’T CARE IF HE GOES TO JAIL.”
(Now isn’t that special. That’s factual information, from a very reliable source — a source much more reliable than my “mother” — who claimed she was “misunderstood” when she first reported those threats. “MISUNDERSTOOD”??? How can one “MISUNDERSTAND” a threat to DESTROY A HOUSE??? And what’s he going to do? — go rent a wrecking ball for the afternoon? Nope. Only one way, short of explosives, that a skinny old psycho can destroy a house. If you know him, go ask him about it. Tell the police about it. And kick his fucking ass — hard — while you’re at it.)
Next notion:
* Tonight I walked into a fave eatery, just as one of my favourite songs EVER began playing. (I don’t mean Casual Ever — I mean EVER-ever.) That was astounding, as the song’s been running through my head, and I’ve been singing it, all week. Yet even more astounding: That song was IMMEDIATELY followed by ANOTHER of my fave songs EVER-ever — a very different song, albeit from the same era, yet another one I frequently sing and intend to cover. I know that this was supernaturally wonderful because of this: Everything after that was pretty much shit.
* BEOWULF or AVATAR? Why, this is simple: BEOWULF!!! Totally! The true “game-changer” was Robert Zemeckis’ Beowulf, in 2007 — which also looked like a damned videogame, but at least it was based on a real story. Avatar is based on a bunch of stuff Jim Cameron stole from real creative people. I mostly enjoyed mostly sitting through Avatar because I stared at it with a good friend — but otherwise I could have skipped it. Beowulf gets my conditional love.
* Everybody in SoCal is still self-obsessed and usually unpleasant. I’d still take it over the Midwest, where people are into Christ and football and guns. But I’d be happy to leave this country altogether.
* Recently I encountered that girl-woman I cared about the most throughout 2009. She looked at me, twice, as if she’d never seen me before — and she spoke not a single word to me. We used to carry on for hours, we went to events together, and I made it clear that I care about her. She stared at me blankly, like a stranger. There’s no reason for this — I haven’t even seen her lately. It’s just how things go here. I knew for most of last year that she had no interest in me, and I learnt to live with that. But perhaps this is why she gave me the zombie-face tonight: My desire is gone. Everything dies eventually.
* I went on one date each with two adult human females last year, and they were both stupid, selfish cows. Prior to that, over the past few years, I opened my heart to only two marginally-”adult” females. They both were, and are, skanks. So much wasted “time” and energy! I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking.
* I have yet to trust an editor.
* I’m trying hard to think of a favourite business or restaurant around here which hasn’t closed on me. There are perhaps two; there used to be about twenty.
* It annoys me that people are already using Haiti to guilt-trip everybody else about taking care of their own business. We’re not all meant to go help people in Haiti. Let Obama and Schwarzenegger go rebuild houses in Haiti — they’re the ones who signed up to be “leaders.” (Actually, I’d be surprised if Carter — the only reasonable President in my lifetime thus far — weren’t there with his wife already, helping out. Even I can get past the fact that he’s a Christian. Nobody’s perfect.)
* At this point, exactly twenty years ago, I was deeply in love (or: “love”), and fairly certain that the girl-woman with whom I was hooting and hollering around “town” was going to be the one I’d ask to marry me (alas, my “parents” never learnt her name; and when I went to visit her in her country that spring, her parents clearly hated me). I was toiling hard-core at USC’s Film School (best in the world; suck it!), had generously allowed my film-partner to use the 16mm B&W stock to shoot his goofy “Lovers-Who-Murder-Each-Other” movie (ALL of the dorks were making those) while I kindly chose colour video for my own vastly more creative project (got an ‘A’ — suck it!), and I had some truly sensationally annoying roommates, plus a couple of frequent mega-obnoxious visitors who are now very rich A-list Hollywood directors, one of whom is severely worshipped by fanboys, whereas the other is severely worshipped by the French. (Amusingly, both have been having children — albeit in VERY different ways.) Mainly all I wanted to do was make movies, fuck my girlfriend, and eat Cheez-Whiz out of the can. Twenty years ago, I succeeded in all three objectives. Now everybody makes shitty little movies and sticks them up online, every girl is “bisexual” (and MEAN), and I prefer to go vegan. The girl I used to fuck became a lawyer; looking back, she was never really all that nice anyway. I’m smarter now, and I eat better, and I’m lonelier. Whee.
* Most people concur that Gregorian year 2009 was a bummer, and I concur, too. Nonetheless, the torpor and misery of that planetary cycle were for me punctuated by some acutely wonderful experiences. If you’re a friend, and were involved, whether in L.A., Chicago or various parts of New York, I thank you most kindly. I saw a bunch of celebrities and attended some terrific entertainment events in 2009 — but without those friends nearby, it’d be for naught. As Mel Brooks said to me: “Thank you. Bless you.”
* Although I’d like to conclude this entry on a happy note, first I must refer you back up to the first point in this list: That my “father” claims he’ll be “destroying the house” on 22 January, 2010. But don’t wait, don’t hesitate. Hit him. Hit him now. Hit him hard. Shithead needs to be hit. Nobody else in my alleged “family” is doing ding-diddly squat to improve this situation — they ignore my calls and emails, thanks!!! — so I’m asking you, whoever you are, to go punch the living shit out of my “father.” He likes to inflict pain on people. Go teach him what real pain is. You have my full consent.
As for everyone else — unless you’re a scumbag — you have my love, support and dedication for the calendar year ahead, and all of the illusion of “time” beyond that. I write, I give, I love; that’s all I do.
~G
