11.08.09
Christina Ricci Upskirts (Update #28 w/ bonus List-O-Mania)
Hey, can’t miss with that headline, eh?
See, that’s the funny thing about life in L.A. — it’s not pretty, it’s not polite, it features very little natural beauty, and the pollution of all kinds (air, noise, retardosity) reeeally sucks; however, also, for some reason…
…I found myself, this Saturday evening, taking vaguely “upskirt” shots of the vaguely popular American actress, Christina Ricci.
(Three questions from you, I figure: 1. Wha-a-a-at???; 2. Why didn’t you invite meeee???; 3. You’re…um…kidding?)
Lemme tell ya, I sure wouldn’t trade a lot of other experiences for it — but for some reasons, I ended up at a screening of a new movie with Christina Ricci in it, and then I literally landed the very last ticket to get in, and then there were literally two seats left open: Both in the front row — one stage right, one front ‘n’ centre.
As I am an adult with no further use for insane actresses, and even less use for aiming cameras up skirts (or I suppose it was a “minidress”) of any sort, I am altogether chuffed that I chose front ‘n’ centre — which resulted not only in the ideal viewing conditions for said movie (more on that somewhere, eventually), but also meant that my angle on the director and cast (including Ricci), when they took the stage, did not place me at an entirely ideal angle to go zing-zong up her bing-bong. For which — believe it or not — I am truly grateful. I’d have had to try — and I didn’t; at all; which is why this is amusing.
I haven’t messed with the photos yet, but I shall, and then I’ll post something, or something. It’s really no big deal.
I mention it because it’s funny, that’s all — as if, say, you happened to live near a wildlife preserve, and one day you went out for a picnic, and a zebra wandered past and afforded you a few amusing angles before wandering away. That’s what it was like.
Some of my friends crushed on Ricci while she was still a kid, which is pretty gross. Although I was working on the Paramount lot while they were making The Addams Family (I wandered through the sets a few times; cool!), Ricci never really pinged my radar until, about, Pumpkin. I still like Pumpkin — it’s mind-altering in a relatively good way, and Ricci is actually quite funny in it.
A while back, Ricci was the focus of my attempt to give two shits about a contemporary actress. She won. I tried really hard — and decided that she’s cool.
The results of that self-survey were somewhat dicey, however, because the lasciviousness and nudity and tats totally don’t work for me — plus, I met Verne Troyer this week, and his and Ricci’s vocal registers are essentially identical (put that in your spank bank and Billy Squier it!).
Anyway, although I am still savagely disappointed inside (due not to any withered self-perception but to people I need to be strong and sincere and witty and dependable being — instead — very intentionally NOT), these past few week-ends have provided some rather stunning distractions — and so I’d like to thank Ricci for putting me off-balance in a nice and meaningless and almost totally irrelevant yet still entertaining way. I’m behind in my work, feeling as let down as usual by most of the people I’ve actually needed (people need people, y’know), and yet…I’m feelin’ okay…great friends, fun conversation, it’s most certainly not “ALL good” — but enough of it is good that while I certainly could complain, I don’t feel like doing it enthusiastically.
Part of it is also detachment: I fuckin’ don’t give a fuck about most things anymore. “God”? HA! “Country”? HA! “Family?” WHO??? Etc.
Be nice to people, as long as they’re not choosing to be assholes; there isn’t much else to life, I find.
Thanks, friends.
(Sorry about “spank bank” — I was helping a friend on his movie shoot when the sound guy let fly with that fine term; and now, this glorious Sunday, it is yours to work into your church group or family gathering!)
Anyway, this post was going to be a declaration of Nothing Whatsoever Interesting To Say — but instead you get the above stuff, and now I think I’ll really roll those dice and try for the big numbers…
THE LIST-O-MANIA SPECIAL: HALF-ACTRESSY; HALF-RANDOMY!
1. Christina Ricci or Winona Ryder?
Oh, damn you. Damn you, damn you. You know, arguably, they’re the very best we’ve got (in America, that is). Now…since, thanks to tonight’s movie, I have now examined, protractedly, Ricci’s nipples more than I ever have my own, I am tempted to write her off as a stunt-whore…HOWEVER! As before, I think she’s a good actress who occasionally makes great choices. High marks! Meanwhile, Winona Ryder is currently on the cover of some California magazine I saw at the supermarket — and she looks a lot like a boy. Not good. Not good at all. HOWEVER…even though her choices are often not as daring as Ricci’s…ooh…difficult…okay, here it is: I think she’s a better actress. There ya go.
(”better”?…)
2. through 10. ANYBODY or Audrey Tautou?
After “Priceless,” I was ready to drop Tautou a few notches — WAY too close to real life for such types, plus I had to view it sitting across the aisle from Matt Groening and that whore for whom he left his wife. But y’know…Tautou’s probably the best actress in the whole world. I mostly find actresses toxic and pathetic — and who knows, maybe she is, too, in real life — but in her work I think she’s awesome.
[Bonus Question: You like 'em slender and brunette, don't you?]
[Bonus Answer: Yes. {" 'em "?}]
11. Billy Joel or Never Throwing Up Ever?
I’d be willing to throw up occasionally — as long as Billy Joel sticks around.
12. P.F. Chang’s or Panda Express?
I just found out that Panda Express uses a chicken-stock broth in their sauces for ALL ITEMS (that’s ALL ITEMS!) — except for the steamed rice — thus, they are 100% off my list, forever (or until such a “time” that they figure out what VEGETARIAN means). Thus (despite being headquartered in Arizona, which sucks): P.F. Chang’s — one can do veggie there in peace and divine nourishment. (But I’d still rather have some little Mama-San & Papa-San hole-in-the-wall eatery, whenever possible.)
13. Watching the Twilight movies — or getting your face bitten off by Chris Brown?
Trendy! I’ll take the Twilight movies for $100, Bob.
14. Supertramp or Boston?
Assuming you mean Boston the semi-Prog band–
I don’t.
What?
I mean: Boston the city.
The city in Massachusetts?
OF COURSE THE CITY IN MASSACHUSETTS!
WELL, I DON’T KNOW! FUCK! THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF RANDOMNESS HERE, YOU KNOW!
Fine. Sorry.
Supertramp. (I’ve never been to Boston. [Oh, and does anybody want to fly to Canada with me to see Roger Hodgson for my birthday? Oh, OUCH!!! That was THIS WEEK-END! I'M DEEPLY SORRY TO HAVE MISSED IT! But here comes Ray Davies...])
15. Finishing your work, or dicking about pointlessly?
I never dick about pointlessly; it’s all ultimately valuable. Any essence of pointlessness and I’m off the case instantaneously.
16. Hamette On Warm Bun or Chalupa?
I beg your pardon?
17. Boxers or Briefs?
You’ll just have to tag along on my next trip to Target, won’t you?
18. Money or happiness?
Happiness didn’t pan out — I think I’m just about ready for money now. (Feel free to kill off the viler Boomers so there’s more flow!)
19. Listening to sports commentators –or– tightening your own skull in a vise until your eardrums rupture and your brains splurt out all over the floor?
Could I just move someplace where people aren’t addicted to stupid sports?
20. Boingers or bing-bong?
You know, I found this book today with copies of both the Emancipation Proclamation and the Gettysburg Address in it, and I think they’re both fascinating and still very relevant documents, and by mentioning them I’m striving to increase the frequency of both boingers and bing-bong in my compassionate-yet-thrilling life.
Q.E.D.
Bonus Actress Question: But what about Shirley Henderson?
Oh, she’s a great actress, too. But no actresses for me, please. All I want is a smart and non-toxic girl I can lift.
~G
P.S. Photo-thingies 2009 — with caption-thingies 2009 — to follow…
